Tuesday, March 8, 2011

10 Differences in Pregnancy and Parenting in Japan and the US from the Viewpoint of a Natural Mama





Welcome to the March Carnival of Natural Parenting: Natural Parenting Top 10 Lists





This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared Top 10 lists on a wide variety of aspects of attachment parenting and natural living. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.





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I lived in Japan for 5 and a half years. My daughter was born in Tokyo in August, 2010. In December, 2010 my family and I moved back to the US.
Here are 10 differences in pregnancy and parenting in Japan and the US from the viewpoint of a natural mama.

1) Traditionally, women in Japan return to their hometown to give birth, and then stay with their parents after the birth.
Before having a baby, I always found the tradition of “satogaeri”, or returning to your hometown to give birth, to be quite odd. After giving birth, I wish that I’d been able to do the same! “Satogaeri” gives mamas much needed support after giving birth. I didn’t have anyone to mother me when I came home from the hospital, and I really, really could have used that. My husband did a great job as a new papa, but he couldn’t really give the emotional support and empathy that I needed. I was so very overwhelmed by motherhood, and I didn’t have anyone around me who knew that feeling, and could reassure me.
Unfortunately, it is often only the mother who returns to her hometown. Her husband will stay at their home and continue working, missing out on important early bonding time. I wish that more fathers in Japan would take advantage of paternity leave and “satogaeri” with their wives!


2) Midwives attend all births in Japan.
In Japan, midwives work on their own at midwife-run birth centers, as well as at hospitals with doctors. I was planning to give birth at a birthing center, but because I was in the 41st week and my labor was not progressing after a day and a half, I was transferred to a hospital. At the hospital a doctor checked me when I first arrived, and then I didn’t see another doctor until my daughter was about to come out! Midwives attended me throughout my labor, and my 7 day hospital stay. I love midwives!

3) Modern cloth diapers are not yet widely available in Japan.I checked out the cloth diapers available in Japan, but sadly, I was not impressed. I didn’t see fitted diapers, the covers seemed far from waterproof and there were definitely no all-in-ones! We ordered our diapers from the US and had them sent over. That was not the most eco-friendly choice, but I made up for it by hanging them all to dry, and also buying used diapers from other foreign moms in Japan. Now that I am in Boston, I love going to my local cloth diaper shop, Diaper Lab in Somerville, Massachusetts!








4) It is standard to line dry all of your family’s laundry in Japan.ALL my laundry was line dried for the 5 and a half years that I lived in Japan. It was a lot of work, but I got used to it. Then I added newborn diapers to the routine. I love cloth diapering, but in my exhausted, new mama haze, hanging up cloth diapers and wipes to dry was not a favorite task of mine. I was often doing it with my daughter sleeping inside a stretchy wrap on my chest.


5) Babywearing mamas and papas are everywhere in Tokyo.

Living in Tokyo, I saw a strange phenomenon. Everywhere I went mamas had their babies strapped to their chests or backs! I grew up in Michigan, where most people’s lives are very car-centered. I remember seeing babies in car seats, shopping carts and strollers, but not in baby carriers!
When I found out I was pregnant, I knew that I wanted to wear my daughter. My husband and I tried out our stretchy wrap when Ichigo was just 2 days old. Ichigo is the kind of baby who’s not too interested in being put down. Having a baby carrier was essential! I’ve never had a very strong back and I was wearing Ichigo for hours every day, so I decided that I needed a soft-structured carrier when Ichigo was about a month old. After I ordered one online, I dreamt about it every night until it arrived. My SSC did not disappoint. My husband and I agree that our carrier was the best piece of baby gear that we bought!
Since I’ve returned to the US, I’ve been attending meetings of the Boston Babywearers group (awesome!), but I have only seen a handful of people wearing their babies when I’m out and about. I hope I’ll see more once it warms up!

6) Organic fruits and vegetables are not as widely available as in the US. I don’t mean to say that they aren’t available at all, but the large supermarket near me in Tokyo didn’t sell any organic fruits or vegetables. That being said, it was a lot easier to get locally grown produce.

7) Bed sharing is common in Japan.
Traditionally, and still today, it’s completely normal for parents and kids to all sleep together on the futons. When I would tell people in Japan that our daughter slept with us, no one batted an eye. I can’t say that I get the same reaction about bed sharing in the US. I have had multiple offers to buy a crib for my daughter, because people can’t imagine us raising a baby without a crib.

8) Parents bathing with children is the norm in Japan.
I have to say that it hadn’t really occurred to me to bathe with my daughter, at least not while she was a baby. However, at her one-month check up, the midwives told me that I could start bathing together with her. I was quite surprised, and even asked for confirmation (in case something was lost in translation). So, from the time my daughter was a month old, we stopped using the baby bathtub and my husband and I started taking turns bathing with her. It’s great family bonding time!


9) In Japan, none of our friends had cars. In the US, we are the only people among our friends who don’t have a car.
In Tokyo, we didn’t have a car and neither did any of our friends. It wasn’t really an issue, because the public transportation was so amazing. Now that we are living in Boston without a car, it’s a little more complicated. We live in a very walkable area and are not far from buses and trains. I think that many people can’t imagine not having a car while living in a very snowy place with a young baby. But I can attest to the fact that it is possible! I have two pieces of advice- wear your baby, and walk carefully!

10) Nursing rooms are common in Japan.

Most big department stores and malls have nursing rooms in Japan. As a first time mom trying to learn to nurse a tiny baby, I really appreciated those nursing rooms. I know that there’s a lot of debate about covering up while nursing or using a nursing room. I am in the “it’s nice to have a quiet place to nurse your baby, but not be required to go there” camp. I used nursing rooms, but I also nursed in restaurants, hospitals, trains, train platforms, etc. Now that I am in the US, and my daughter has better head and neck control, I am finding it much easier to nurse in public!

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(This list will be live and updated by afternoon March 8 with all the carnival links.)



27 comments:

  1. This is so fascinating! I love hearing about cultural differences. I remember reading about Japanese women being coddled after birth, and it does sound lovely.

    It's cool that you got into babywearing after seeing it in action — I do wish it were more common so that more people could see the modeling and want to try it out (though we're pretty fortunate here in Seattle).

    It's funny, because we started out bathing with our baby (never had a baby bathtub), and even now at 3.5, one of us still gets in with him. Bathtime is playtime! :) Another bonus for a mother bathing with a newborn is that it's good for healing the mother; I found the warm water sooo soothing and often added my sitz herbs from my birthing kit to the bath.

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  2. I love this post, first because I am half Japanese and love Japan, second because this post makes me want to go back!!

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  3. This is so interesting! I've visited Japan twice and have loved learning about the customs there every since. Glad to hear you are in Boston! I'm in the area too :-)

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  4. very interesting comparison! thanks for sharing

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  5. It is so interesting hearing about other cultures and traditions! Thanks for sharing :)

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  6. I'm so happy to have found your blog through the Carnival of Natural Parenting. (And I really love the background photo!)

    So funny that what is accepted in one culture is frowned upon or simply unfamiliar in another. And what you said about strollers is SO TRUE: I have $1000 worth of barely used strollers sitting in my garage and meanwhile my baby rides around in a sling that my friend made for me out of $5 worth of fabric. Gotta get those strollers on Craigslist! :-)

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  7. What a neat comparison! I guess that with cosleeping, cobathing and babywearing, my family would be "normal" in Japan! LOL

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  8. It's a nice reminder that there are areas in the world who still practice natural parenting rather than having natural parenting practices brought back to the culture.

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  9. It's really interesting to read about how customs differ between world regions. It seems like you've had the best of both worlds and have come to a nice happy medium while moving back to the conventionally estranging customs of the U.S. I've never traveled internationally, but much of my family are immigrants from Croatia. I was shocked when I had my baby at how off-put they seemed that I would breastfeed him (they have formula for that now! we did it because we didn't have that!) and just shocked that he sleeps with me and I wear him in a "hippie wrap." Oh well. One can only appreciate customs; one does not have to adopt them all. : )

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  10. @Lauren @ Hobo Mama, I think that we will be bathing with Ichigo long-term, too! In Japan, parents and kids bathing together is called "skinship". Isn't that great?

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  11. @MJ, Thanks! I want to go back, too.

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  12. @I Thought I Knew MamaThanks for your comment! I'm looking forward to reading more of your blog posts, too. And how great that you're also in the Boston area!

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  13. @Patti
    Thank you! The background photo is a close-up of my crocheting. We have a lightweight stroller with tiny wheels. We haven't even been able to attempt to use it in the snowy Boston winter!

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  14. @Farmer's Daughter What's normal all depends on your frame of reference, right!? If people give me flack for my choices, I like to point out that what I'm doing is normal in Japan!

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  15. @Mandy @ Living Peacefully with Childrensaid: "It's a nice reminder that there are areas in the world who still practice natural parenting rather than having natural parenting practices brought back to the culture."
    What a good point. I had never thought of it that way.

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  16. @Ana @PandamolyI can relate! My husband's immigrant family finds my "back to basics" parenting very odd.

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  17. I was really looking forward to a "babymoon" with just my baby, my hubby and me after Kieran's birth, but I could have *really* used someone to help me cook, clean, move, etc. I love the idea of having built-in support!

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  18. Very interesting! I haven't read your blog before, and this was a nice introduction. (I have to admit, though, I kind of despair at the thought of line drying EVERYthing... I do use our clothesline, but I'm also thankful for our dryer. ;-) ).

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  19. This is great. Thanks for sharing. I will forward to my Japan-loving friend who might just need to know this one day ;)

    Nev

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  20. What an interesting post!

    We took a bath with our son since his first real bath.At nine months we just started hosing him off in the sink after meals. But his real bath is still with us. Its a very fun time!

    What a great post!

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  21. @Dionna @ Code Name: Mama I will definitely plan for some postpartum help next time!

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  22. @Thomasin Now that I have a dryer, I am very thankful for it as well! We used to spend so much more time getting our laundry done. I'm looking forward to lots of line drying once the weather warms up, but I love having a dryer again!

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  23. @NevThank you, Nev. I love your blog!

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  24. @Bethy I love having a fun bath time with Ichigo, too!

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  25. Interesting post,thx. I always love to read about cultural differences.I am from Turkey and had both babies in UK. With my first baby,I hired a postnatal doula.She was a great helper. Second time around mom was able to come and that was great as well.

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  26. Your post is very different. It is great to get some insights into another culture. I would love to have stayed with my parents after the birth, but we live in different countries, so it would have complicated citizenships, documents, etc.

    I feel so validated when I find another Western mum who avoids driving. I have been resisting my husband's pressure to get a second car for years!

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  27. Thank you so much for this post! My husband is a Japan-o-phile, and I emailed the link to him as well. It is so interesting. I'm *really* surprised that cloth diapers and organic foods aren't more mainstream there. It is counter-intuitive to me, considering how much more "natural" most other things are in Japan.

    Following your blog now!

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